I'll cut out all the fluff that bores ......

Dear Mr Man,

I quit.

Much love,
Abilene

* gulp *

(How does that title work for ya Nick?)

As most know I have been getting rather impatient about waiting for a certain email/letter.

So, in anticipation of not getting a positive response I have put 'feelers' out elsewhere.

* BANG *

Yesterday I finally got a fantastically positive response about the POST test I took for HMPS. Scheduled for next stage on September 17th.

I also received an email from a certain recruiter who got my 'feelers' and am scheduled for an interview Tuesday with a company who are rather interested in me. Even with the understanding that I may only want to join them on a six month contract.

* Skips around office *

I am now sitting here, on company time, drafting my resignation letter.

I feel my springs getting tight again.

Whatever is a girl to do?

Well done Mrs F, Notbob and Lonemum who figured out where I was.

1st pic was the lighthouse at Portland Bill, 2nd pic was Chesil Beach and 3rd pic was Lulworth cove.

Y'all can keep your exotic/foreign/cruise/expensive vacations.

I had a great weekend, great weather and wasn't overrun with annoying tourists and did it all for under £100.

Blame THIS.

I have become almost manical about it.

* yawns *

I decided yesterday upon my return to my new abode to actually venture out into the wilderness that is the back garden.

Beautiful.

I found fruit trees.

Two heavily laden plum trees. Scrumptious.

One equally heavily laden pear tree.

There laying on the ground in the midst of this trio of fruitfullness is an apple.

One lonely apple.

We have no apple trees.

I have not thought about V for many years.

Last night I did.

Many years ago I did something wrong. There was no personal gain or advancement that could come from it yet I did it all the same. I am not proud of it but can't change what was.

I worked at a certain company in the States. A coworker asked me to cover for him as he had to leave and go do something for about an hour. He did this about twice a month and no-one ever said anything to him about it as he had worked there for about eight years etc etc. Someone always covered his back for him.

Well, on this particular day I was cranky/moody/female/bitchy and was sick of it. Rather than confront him and tell him I would no longer do this for him and for him to straighten up I said 'Yeah, go ahead' and then when a call came for him from 'lo and behold' the boss. I simply said "Oh V went home for a bit but should be back in an hour though".

V was fired on the spot when he arrived back on the property. He had a wife and two kids.

Looking back I know I could've handled it differently, in fact at the time I knew it could've been handled differently. Yes, he was doing wrong but for fucks sake I squealed on him like a kid in the playground. I was malicious about it too because I told him to go ahead knowing fully well I was not going to cover for him.

Last night I woke up at about 4.30am because of a very vivid dream.

I was in a kind of courtyard between some buildings and saw V walking in the opposite direction towards me. I said as though nothing had ever happened "Oh, V good to see you. How have you been?"

To which he replied "Lets talk about you bitch" and his hands closed tightly around my throat.

I've still not heard back from H.M.P.S.

Karma?

I kept this quiet as I knew Sixey would appreciate the humor so waited to tell it.

This was a conversation between me and the boy when he was here.

Boy: This friend who is gonna have the baby.

Me: Yeah, what about her?

Boy: Can I do something?

Me: Silly hun, you don't have to.

Boy: Well if I wash Grans, Gramps, Uncle G and Uncle C's cars I can make $40.

Me: Its pounds here son and I won't let you spend all that in one go.

Boy: I'm not going to. I'll give you 20 and you can take the other 20 out of my birthday money.

Me: Who said you are getting any money.

Boy: You will. You always do and pretend it's from Uncle C.

Me: *speechless*

Boy: Oh and I think you should split the meal idea up over 6 months.

Me: Why?

Boy: So when they get no sleep cos of the screaming they will smile and will know y'all care about them for longer.

Which is why so much of it went on under the cover of private posts but this thankyou just made me sniffle.

Love you Sixey.

You're still my stalkee.

Thanks Paddy.

* mwah *

I have now lost 18 lbs.

I know I have said this before but I am going to say it again.

If you are included in a private post please respect the person who included you by not repeating what they (or anyone commenting ) have said.

Do not think you are helping by going back and forth between people.

You really do more damage than good.

You may not agree or like what is happening and you are absolutely entitled to say what you want. You are also entitled to expect that if you say something in a private post that it will NOT get twisted and repeated elsewhere.

No, before any of you jump to conclusions, I am not talking about anything I have said. I am talking about a comment I read somewhere that could only have something to do with something said elsewhere.

If you do not understand what I am talking about then sorry. However I think most of you do.

To sum up: Respect Private Posts

I do think I am a teensy impatient.

Yes, dear reader, it is so.

Sorry to burst the illusion you may have of me being a serene, almost floating, angelic person who waits patiently while doing good deeds.

Tis not so.

* stomps foot *

Chant fucking louder you lazy lot.

I want a certain email today and if I don't get it there will be all hell to pay.

Do you hear me?

So what if they said 'By the end of next week'

It's already Tuesday, which is close to midweek, which then starts the slide down to the weekend.

So therefore, it's almost the end of the week.

I want to know.

The lives of those I have to smile at daily depend on my getting that positive email.

* and exhale *

Ok, I need something.

An unlock code for a ....

Goodmans TV w/integrated DVD

GTVL19W17HDV

Anyone able to help?

What does that mean to you?

Just had an email conversation and realised that things may not translate the same over here.

Did I just offer to have strap-on sex?

She got pregnant in Leeds.

* gasp *

We really DID play a part in Boco being here.

* pats self on back *

Ok, it worked for Boco so can y'all chant for me.

I want to hear from H.M.P.S. this week and I want it to be positive.

Chant Chant Chant

We have a weekly meeting today where I am meant to feel grateful for being included. I am, afterall, just a lowly accountant, I am not a partner.

Oh but they assure me they are grooming me in that direction. If I am a good girl and walk their predetermined line I may make partner in TEN FUCKING YEARS !!

So, I shall go to the meeting, I shall smile sweetly when they condescendingly pat me on the shoulder when they talk about the fun I will have once I am a partner.

I shall silently be screaming "When Hell Freezes Over"

I always thought I wanted this but I just can't do it. I just cannot pretend to enjoy something that quite frankly I no longer enjoy. There is no self-satisfaction here for me. Also, I just can't get my head that far up my own ass.

So .... chant away ...... chant chant chant.

In other news.

Settled in ok to the house.

C was gone all weekend at the V festival so don't know yet what the dynamics will be between her and I.

M was home all weekend and is a nice girl. Too bloody skinny and eats like a fucking horse. Bitch. She's a crime scene analyst so I guess I need to be careful when I murder my next date.

I seriously need to wash my car but everytime I go to do it then the skys open up. Rain does NOT clean a car ... it just streaks the dirt more.

Hmmmm ... what else.

Oh I need to pee.

Why when I was looking for a house share did I not notice the cobwebs?

Why did I not open the fridge?

Why did I not pull back the shower curtain?

Why oh why !?!?!?

Here I am on day 1 in the house share and I have spent the last 5 hours fucking cleaning.

Am I turning into Carol (B.B.)?

Do I have OCD?

Maybe.

Why am I up so early on a Saturday?

There can only be one reason.

To get in here to let the entire world (well, Blogville at least) know ...

Text arrives:

"Sixpence and ParsleySage delighted to announce birth of boy, 8lbs, at 2.40am SAt 18th Aug after very long labour. No name yet. Will get to u soon with more. x"

* big smile *

Need I say more?

If you want, put your wishes, messages etc here and I will print off and send inside the card on Monday.

* does a jig *

" Slowcoach "

Methinks ParsleySage needs to tickle our Sixey and get this moving !!

Any (short) messages for 'em ?

I hate this waiting.

This not knowing.

3 hours and 45 minutes and no word.

Ok, so you both are a wee bit occupied but I am on the edge of my bloody seat.

It is not comfortable with this fat ass either.

* fingers, toes and eyelashes crossed *

Everybody cross something.

I am sick of going to Landers blog and seeing yet another fucking cool header.

I am inept and can't do/think of eyecatching shit like that.

I want summat.

* stomps foot and scowls at Pads *

Edit to add: Where do this fucking post come from? Ghost in Blog again?

Text arrives:

"Sent home last night at 9; back here 4 8am. Currently 'trying to relax' but not much happening apart from painful contractions. Bath to follow. Upd8 l8r. Parsley xx"

I will try not to nag him for using text speak considering Sixey is probably squeezing the life out of his hand.

I will obviously keep posting the texts as they arrive.

C'mon Boco .... hurry up !!!

... to say.

Seriously.

Bastards are the kind of people who push a litter of puppies and their heavily lactating mother out of a car and drive off

Treacle is the puppy that five of us here at work have 'adopted' (i.e. we are footing huge ass vet bills and paying for her food etc so her new owner has some help)

She came to visit us today

Sorry ... I just couldn't help it ... how fucking adorable is she eh?

Oh and we won't mention my suit jacket that now has puppy pee on it !!

It has been brought to my attention that if I should get a position with H.M.P.S. then I will have to close my blog down.

I want the job. In ways that many of you will not understand why. It is not about revenge. It is about understanding.

Yet I will miss this little corner of Blogville that I have staked my claim on.

Better not count my chickens and all that though eh?

I have opened my mail to find a speeding ticket.

Fuck.

AND a parking ticket.

Fuck.

I have gone to the gas station, filled up and then found I have no purse with me !!!!

Fuckity.

Do NOT be in a daze and forget to check if the lid is down.

Cos when something cold and hard touches your butt you WILL jump and come close to peeing yourself.

I know.

Apparently I do.

Apparently I have big huge fuck off sign on my back that says....

'Take me for all you can'

Oh yes, dear readers, me ... ever vigilant me has just chucked £64 out of the window and watched it flitter away.

Think of the wine that could buy. Don't cry RTB.

My remote locking system fucked up.

I replaced battery but messed up the programming.

Took car to an 'authorised so I don't fuck up my warranty' dealership.

They reprogrammed and sucked my purse dry.

I get back to office.

Fucking car won't lock.

So I do what any sane, level headed girl would do.

I start kicking the car and wailing like a fish wife.

Annorak co-worker comes to me, peels me from hood (bonnet to you Anglos) and asks where my manual is.

* blank stare *

Oh that thing in the glove box. Thought that was a Gideons bible.

One turn of the key in the ignition, one press of a button and hey fucking presto!

* click *

Car now locks, unlocks and does a tap dance.

Does the story end there?

Of course not ... this is Abi luck here.

I call the 'authorised so I don't fuck up my warranty' dealership and they say they cannot refund the money because this all happened away from there so how can they be sure I am not making it up.

I did after all have every opportunity to test it before I drove away.

Soooooo after work today I shall be driving my car to the 'authorised so I don't fuck up my warranty' dealership and ramming it over and over and over into the stupid inflatable they have bouncing out front of the showroom.

They must have sensed my growing irritation.

They must have seen me looking longingly out of the window down to the beautiful cold concrete below.

They must have realised I have a whopping life insurance policy.

Bastards moved me to a ground floor office today.

Look at this picture of a crowded chow hall for one minute.

Now we will babble on about nonsense for 30 minutes so you can forget what you looked at.

Then we are going to bombard you with questions about the picture.

* * * * * * * *

They might have thought I was a smart-ass when they asked what was on the table third from the back in the left row and instead of just saying "toothpaste, fags and glasses" I instead said "Colgate spearmint toothpaste, Royal cigarettes with 18 in the pack and a pair of wire frame bifocal glasses"

Finished off with an innocent smile.

I tried to tell them I have a weird memory for things I see.

Yes
No
No
Yes
No
Of course
Yes
Yes

What was the question again?

Why, oh why, is it that when you lose weight your tits are the first thing to shrink?

I have now (as of this morning) lost 15lbs.

At the start I was a 40 E

Now I am a 38 DD

I am quite happy with my tits right now but am not sure I want more shrinkage.

I am rambling ............

Fucking hell ... this clock is going in reverse I swear.